Johnson Discovers Right Handed Dribble

In a freak accident during summer workouts Purdue's lefty Guard Ronnie Johnson discovered he could dribble a basketball right handed. Johnson made the discovery while playing one on one with his brother and fellow teammate Terone Johnson. While both Ronnie and Terone were going after a loose ball Terone grabbed Ronnie's dominant left arm and Ronnie was forced to reach for the ball with his right hand. The ball contacted his right palm and hit floor and bounced back up to his hand again constituting a complete dribble with his right hand.

"It was crazy!” explained Ronnie. “I had no idea my right hand could do that. My whole career I've worked to dribble past guys to the left. It was like my right hand was dribbling too."

Johnson was able to replicate the feat later in the workout. Johnson continued to push the ball to the floor having it return to his hand each time. The Purdue PG says he'll continue to play around with the new trick he's learned. "I'll work on it and maybe I'll use it a few times in practice and see how it works out. I don't know if it’s something I'll do in a game yet. We'll see, maybe if I get a breakaway or something.”

IU Super Sub Will Sheehey to Turn Pro After Season

In a surprising admission today to ESPN Gameday analyst Jalen Rose, Indiana wingman Will Sheehey said he will not be coming back for his senior season at Indiana next year. Instead at the conclusion of this season Sheehey will be turning his time and attention to being a professional clown.

In a casual conversation with Rose, Sheehey was surprisingly candid about what motivates him. “I’ve loved my time here at Indiana and I love my teammates but this has been a dream of mine as long I can remember. Since I was a kid I’ve always tried to be the biggest clown out on the court I could be. I’ve spent so many games in AAU and College mastering my celebratory facial expressions and inventing countless gestures and taunts to excite the crowd.  Sometimes I wondered if bringing all that attention to me was going to be worth the trouble.”

When asked about what has sparked his recent decision, Sheehey explained about the professional break he got Wednesday night at Mackey arena that set all this in motion. “I was in the zone Wednesday at Mackey. I spent the whole game jumping around, jumping on guys backs, dancing, constantly gesturing to my head, and saluting. At one time I think I might have even kissed my own guns. I don’t even know I was just so into myself. I guess there were some professional clowns in the audience that spotted me dancing around playing grab-ass while the national anthem was playing. I think they knew right there I had the potential to be a complete clown.”

Sheehey expects to take part in a 13 week clown workshop in New York City this summer. Some of his formal training will include learning how to face paint, twist balloons, perform magic, apply clown makeup, and develop an award winning routine.

Colts to Select Kicker as #1 Overall Pick

Indianapolis, IN - ESPN NFL analyst Chris Mortensen reported today that the Indianapolis Colts have reached a pre-draft agreement to make Purdue kicker Carson Wiggs the overall #1 pick for 2012 NFL Draft. Newly hired Colts general manager Ryan Grigson was impressed with his fellow Boiler football alum. In a phone interview with Mortenson, Grigson said of Wiggs, "We were really impressed with his leg strength. He once made a field goal from 67 yards in a spring game."

Since securing the first overall pick it has been widely speculated that the Colts would select Stanford quarterback Andrew Luck as the heir apparent to replace Peyton Manning whose historic career with Indianapolis came to an end when he was released this March. "We're looking to take the team in new direction" Griggs stated. "After going through tape of the entire season, we found that our offense rarely moved the ball inside the opponent’s 35 yard line.  Wiggs has range from inside the 50 yard line; I think he could be a real weapon. Red Zone offense and throwing touchdowns really isn’t our thing anymore. I like to think of him as a deep threat.”

Draft guru Mel Kiper weighed in on the Colts selection today on ESPN Radio. “I had him as the 5^th best DE in this draft.  I projected he was a late 1^st to middle 2^nd round pick”. When alerted by callers to his radio show Kiper clarified his initial analysis. “Carson Wiggs? I thought Mort said Jared Crick. I have no idea who Carson Wiggs is.”

When contacted about these reports Grigson again displayed enthusiasm regarding Wiggs’ potential, insisting “A talent like this only comes around once in 20 years.  He's the most NFL ready prospect coming out of college since John Elway. If we have  the chance to draft a player of his caliber, we have to take him whether Adam (Vinatieri) still has years left or not.”  

IU Custodial Staff to Clean Dusty Banners for Upcoming Rivalry Game

Dusty Banners Await Cleaning
After 25 Years

Bloomington, Indiana -In preparation for its big in state rivalry game versus Purdue University, Indiana University is doing a little spring cleaning. Custodial staff at Assembly Hall will undertake the daunting task of cleaning all 5 of its NCAA National Championship banners.

"We’ve heard constant complaints every year via internet media and from opposing fans visiting Assembly Hall. Almost all of them say that they are old and dusty," explains Assistant Athletic Director for Facilities Chuck Crabb.   "Actually they are holding up well; they are treated with an anti-dust coating used for telescope lenses back in the 50s. The NCAA explains all this whenever a team receives a banner. Unless you’ve received a banner from the NCAA you wouldn’t know that little fact."

What at first glance seems to be a simple task of cleaning the banners is actually a complex problem that might not get solved in time. Assembly Hall is equipped with a complex system of cable and pulleys to hold the weight of the 5 massive banners. However with almost 25 years of inactivity the motor used to raise and lower the banners has rusted solid. Since the engineer who originally designed the system died 20 years ago, Crabb has been forced to find a replacement system. "We are contacting vendors as we speak searching for an affordable solution to rehang the banners by this weekend. It’s our big game against Purdue and their fans have always been the most vocal about how dusty they are."

Mackey Arena Sustains Damage in Saturday Loss to Indiana



Crews Work to Repair Rims
Damaged by Purdue Shooters



West Lafayette, IN -Following a gut wrenching loss to rival Indiana as post game crews cleared the Mackey Arena floor the Purdue Athletic Department learned that Saturday’s game wasn't the only loss that night. Mackey arena staff discovered that both removable goals had sustained significant damage and will have to be replaced. "I was amazed at the amount of damage we found," explained Associate Athletics Director of Facilities Steve Simmerman.  "The North goal’s rim was bent almost 10 degrees and the south goal had a crack in the backboard."

The cause appears to be the horrific shooting of the Purdue Basketball team throughout the season culminating with 50 missed shots Saturday night. "These goals weren’t made to take that kind of abuse. Those shots last night weren’t just misses but full on assaults to the rims and backboards," a frustrated Mackey Operations Superintendent Paul Horsley remarked.  “I could see this coming; you should see these guys practice free throws. It’s a wonder it didn't happen sooner."

Purdue guard Kelsey Barlow who came into Mackey Sunday for some extra shooting practice was surprised to find out the goals had been removed. When staff explained that he and his teammates had caused the goals to fail, Barlow confirmed their assumption. “Yeah we shoot a lot of free throws, you know. Some of us shoot like 200 a day. When we’re only making like 50% that’s like 75 misses a day or something.” Horsley gave assurance that the effect of replacing the goals in Mackey Arena will have a minimal impact as the Men's team is away tonight at Ohio State and the Women's team will have access to the new state of the art practice facility.

Butler Athletics Feeling Financial Burden of Bandwagon Upgrade

Indianapolis, IN - What was once an unprecedented run in the NCAA tournament has become a financial albatross that threatens to bankrupt the Butler athletic department.

In March of 2010 the Butler men's basketball team made a historic run as a #5 Seed in the NCAA to make it to the title game vs Duke. According to Butler athletic director Barry Collier ,"the demand to get on the Butler bandwagon was unprecedented. We had so many people trying to get on board we just couldn't keep up. We had to turn people away."

The following year after Matt Howard's buzzer beater downed Old Dominion in the first round of the 2011 NCAA Tournament the Butter Athletic Department made a bold decision to invest in a luxury bandwagon to accommodate the millions of national fans and the massive inflow of Hoosier faithful. "We knew some of the national fans would be just temporary but we really believed we had become the states premier basketball program" Said Collier. "I know countless former IU fans that had switched their allegiance to us and told me they were now Butler fans for life. We really trusted their loyalty, but we were wrong and that's what hurts the most."

The betrayal that burned Collier started in the summer of 2011. As high school legend Cody Zeller descended upon Bloomington he led Hoosier fans like the pied piper right off the Butler bandwagon. With the prospect of IU having a better season than Butler, fans that were so dedicated riding the Butler bandwagon throughout the 2011 run to the finals started abandoning ship. Many were vocal and loyal fans during the month long run some even reserved luxury boxes aboard the massive wagon for the 2012 season. Now calls from Collier and his staff for payment on advanced seating have gone unanswered.

The financial burden has been enormous as Butler is saddled with maintaining their Luxury wagon as it sits practically empty.  Collier provided more insight into the situation. "We're looking for creative ways to use it to generate revenue. We made some fast money at the crossroads tourney versus Purdue. We charged IU fans to jump on board for the day to help us defeat them. We are also looking at leasing it Super Bowl week to the New York Giants to hold new fans that might be rooting for the 'other' Manning or to those Colts fans that dislike the Pats or feel emasculated by Tom Brady."

Coach Brad Stevens is still holding out hope the fans will return when he commented. "You're only four wins in March from being America's favorite team. We've done it before and we can do it again, it's the Butler way."